((SHE))

((SHE)) is the fourth and final part of ABUSE, a project in the making since 2018. This collection represents the last part of the cycle; the archetype who ((ME)) is attracted to. We consciously and unconsciously seek relationships with individuals who were raised in similar environments as ourselves. Alcoholics attract alcoholics, addicts attract addicts, and people who have experienced emotional abuse attract - you guessed it.

All of the garments were made over a 5 week period in my Brooklyn studio by myself and an assistant. I’ve avoided learning how to properly cut fabric and sew patterns for almost 7 years now, basically my entire time I’ve been involved in fashion, so the learning curve was quite intense. This process allowed me to directly imbue an intense spirit, emotion, and intention into each garment in a new way than I have in the past. I was also able to closely examine what the conclusion of this massive undertaking meant as I cut the patterns and sewed each seam.

Some of the pieces drown the wearer in their presence; or maybe their function is to comfort from the external reality. The sculptural skirts rise up from the water as if they are waterspouts arising from the abyss, pulling the model into the deep end. The lap pool set with it’s shallow fabric waves and last splash paintings enclose this final scene where the performance of ((SHE)) took place.

The transparent organzas and chiffons reflect like a tranquil pool does on a sunny day, paired next to muddied opaque fabrics resembling their murky counterpart. The stillness of the fabric rests next to the agitation. The thicker gabardines and satins appear to be like water, and many of the pieces of fabric have remnants of liquid being used in their mark making process. Water is calming, nourishing, hydrating, and recharging; and at the same time it is dangerous, uncertain, and too vast for our understanding.

Yellow is the color of the sun shining down replenishing our soul, simultaneously berating our burned, beached bodies. Yellow is a cautionary tale that stops one in their tracks. Yellow is the flower, wallowing in a breezy field. Yellow is a sign from nature to turn back, and run the other way.

As ABUSE comes to a close with this final quartet, I am at peace. I have forgiven. That is something I thought I’d never say. I shied away from this intensive, deeply personal project for a few months, but I was drawn to my sketch book night after night. In a way, I don’t decide what the next collection I make will be, as they always seem to appear when the time is right. I thought who would want to wear something that said abuse - but fashion was the right medium for this project because the clothing side of my practice is inherently figurative, human, and spiritual. I’m proud of myself for pushing through the pain and committing myself to fully looking at this aspect of my life, in hopes that it might resonate with others. For if I hadn’t, I would be the one who is held captive, stuck in this generational cycle. Shipwrecked, floating away, into the deep, dark abyss that is the unexamined life.

breathing*

seething*

underwater*

swimstar*

holydiver*

lifeguard*

swimming*

floating*

drowning*

look at the pools
look how they swim for you
and everything you do
yeah, they were all yellow

I came along
I sewed a seam for you
snd all the things you do
snd it was called yellow

so, then I took my turn
what a thing to've done
and it was all yellow

your skin
oh yeah, your skin and bones
turn in to something beautiful
do you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so

I swam across
I swam across for you
what a thing to do
'cause you were all yellow

I sewed a seam
I sewed a seam for you
what a thing to do
and it was all yellow

and your skin
oh yeah, your skin and bones
turn in to something beautiful
do you know
for you, I'd swim myself dry
for you, I'd swim myself dry

It's true
look how they swim for you
look how they dive for you
look how they breath for
look how they float for you
look how they drown for you
look how they swim

look at the pools
look how they swim for you
and all the things that you do